


never asked to be blue

by happymartyr



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), The Sims (Video Games), danandphilgames - Fandom
Genre: Character Study, all about dalien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 11:12:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14519271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happymartyr/pseuds/happymartyr
Summary: i ask mama why i don’t look like her, why i don’t look like dad, why i don’t look like big brother. she smiles sadly.“you’re different,” she tells me.i already know that i’m different.i ask her,whyam i different?





	never asked to be blue

mama says i’m made of flowers.

she takes me outside one day, and we look around in the garden. i find flowers that are the same color as my skin. i hold them up to her and she smiles, taking one from the bunch and putting it behind my ear before taking another and putting it behind her own ear, sticking out from her hair. we go inside, and i looked in the mirror.

she has pale skin and dark hair, with warm brown eyes. the flower contrasts her hair and her skin, bright and lovely.

i have blue skin and no hair. my eyes are jet black. the flower blends right into my skin tone, looking completely unremarkable.

i ask mama why i don’t look like her, why i don’t look like dad, why i don’t look like big brother. she smiles sadly.

“you’re different,” she tells me.

i already know that i’m different.

i ask her, _why_ am i different?

“because you were just made that way,” she tells me after a long pause. 

that doesn’t explain anything, so i go to dad instead.

“you’re from up there,” he tells me, carrying me with one arm and pointing up into the night sky with the other.

i frown and ask him why i’m here, if i’m meant to be up there. he laughs.

“because your mum and your dad made a stupid mistake.”

i ask him if he means mama. he shakes his head.

“no, the other one.”

this isn’t getting me anywhere, so i stop asking questions. why can’t they just give me real answers?

oh well.

 

i’m supposed to be in bed, but mama forgot to read me a bedtime story, so i’m restless. i wander into the living room and see big brother on his phone. i decide it’s worth asking him, too. so i do.

he looks at me for a moment, puzzled.

“i don’t know,” he says eventually. “but it’s okay that you’re different.”

i frown. i ask him if it really is, and he sits up.

“of course! you’re a natural rebellion from birth, and that’s amazing.” i listen as he rambles on about how i’m a statement, i’m a symbol, i’m a sign.

i don’t want to be a statement, or a symbol, or a sign.

i want to be normal.

i want to be a Howlter.

 

the other kids at the daycare are mean.

i’ve learned how to make myself look normal, and it makes me happy, but i guess i’m not normal enough. 

i chose orange hair for myself, and apparently that’s not normal enough. the other kids call me ginger, and reddie, and other words i’ve been told not to repeat. they make fun of my clothes and my face and my skin and it’s so hard not to cry. my blue skin wasn’t good enough so i changed it, but the skin i changed it to isn’t good enough either.

i go by ‘dale’ at the daycare. the kids make fun of that too. my full name is dalien. our entire family has strange names, except for mama. her name is tabitha. it’s pretty, it reminds me of what you would call a flower, or a fancy porcelain statue. i’d love to be named like that, but instead, my name is alien with a ‘d’.

big brother tells me about aliens sometimes. he makes up lots of stories. he tells me that mama isn’t my mom, and that my real mom is somewhere in the sky, far, far away. that makes me cry, and he tries to calm me down, but i just go into my room and sit on my bed. i look around at the aggressively bright room. the floor is blue, the walls are green, there’s a starry rug on the floor. stars like the sky. stars like where i should be. i roll up the rug and shove it into the corner before hiding under the covers and falling asleep.

 

it’s several weeks later, and mama is crying. i ask her what’s wrong, and she just stares at me. there’s something in her eyes that’s never been there before, something directed at me. i shrink down under her glare, backing up slightly before asking where dad is.

“he’ll be back soon,” is all she says. her voice is cold.

 

she was right, at least.

dad is back early the next morning. he’s happier than usual, and gives mama a big hug and kiss when he walks in through the back door. mama seems relieved, but certainly not as happy as dad. they go to their room and i can hear them having a very serious talk. i press my ear up against the door to try and hear exactly what they’re saying, but big brother pulls me away from the door and leads me back to bed. i whine at him, but he just shakes his head with a serious look on his face. i quiet down and let him tuck me back in to sleep the rest of the saturday away.

 

my nanny’s name is evelyn, or eve for short. she’s around a lot when the family goes out to do something fun. i’m usually left at home.

it’s uncomfortable to be in my pale skin for too long, but with eve i always have to be disguised. she reads me stories and cooks and draws pictures with me, but it’s not as nice as being with my family. she says that i’m oddly mature for my age, and she says it like she doesn’t know why. i don’t know why either. i definitely don’t feel mature.

 

i want a new name. i want a new face. i want new skin. i want new clothes. i want a new mom. i want a new dad. i want a new brother. i want a new life.

 

if i could just start over, or if i had just stayed in the stars, mama wouldn’t cry. dad wouldn’t be angry. big brother wouldn’t be disappointed. eve wouldn’t have to cook for me or look after me while my family is out.

i finally talk to big brother about it. he cries and hugs me, and i don’t know why. he doesn’t really notice me much, but here he is, telling me how much he loves me and how important i am. i don’t understand, and because of that, the words bounce right off.

 

mama is still sad. dad is still angry. big brother is still disappointed, but now he just pities me more. i don’t understand.

i don’t understand what i am, or why i’m here, or why i’m not good enough, but at the same time why mama and dad bother to keep me.

i never asked to be blue.


End file.
